Having a baby should be one of the happiest times of your life.

Having a baby should be one of the happiest times of your life. At least, that is what women are often led to believe. The cards arrive. People congratulate you. Photographs capture those precious first moments. Everyone asks about the baby. But who asks about the mother? Behind the smiles, some women are exhausted, overwhelmed, frightened, disconnected or desperately trying to hold themselves together.

Postpartum depression, also called postnatal depression, is more common than many people realise. NICE reports that depression and anxiety affect around 15 to 20 per cent of women during the first year after childbirth. That means this is not a small problem.

And we need to talk about it.

More Than The ‘Baby Blues’

In the first few days after giving birth, many women experience the ‘baby blues’. They may feel tearful, anxious, emotional or irritable. These feelings usually settle within two weeks.

Postnatal depression is different. Symptoms can begin during pregnancy, soon after birth, or at any point during the first year after having a baby. They can include persistent low mood, anxiety, hopelessness, guilt, irritability, difficulty sleeping even when there is an opportunity to sleep, difficulty concentrating and feeling unable to cope. Some women find it difficult to feel connected to their baby.

For a woman experiencing this, motherhood can become something she survives rather than enjoys. She may look perfectly capable from the outside. Inside, she may feel as though she is disappearing.

Look At What Her Body Has Been Through

We often approach postnatal mental health from the mind alone. Yet pregnancy and birth are whole-body experiences.

For months, a woman’s body adapts to carrying her baby. Her muscles change. Her posture changes. Her sleep may change. Her hormones change. Then comes birth itself, which can be long, painful, frightening, physically demanding or completely different from the birth she had imagined.

Afterwards, recovery begins while she is also caring for another human being around the clock. There may be broken sleep, feeding difficulties, physical pain, worry about the baby, pressure to ‘get back to normal’, financial concerns, relationship changes, previous trauma being stirred and very little time to herself.

The NHS recognises that lack of sleep, the demands of caring for a new baby and hormonal changes can all play a part in postnatal depression. So perhaps we also need to ask:

What has this woman’s body been carrying?

When The Body Keeps Holding On

When we go through stress, fear or difficult experiences, the body responds. Muscles tighten. Breathing can become shallow. We brace ourselves. We push through. Sometimes that response passes once the situation has ended. Sometimes we continue carrying the tension.

For a new mother, there may barely be time to recognise what is happening. She may move from pregnancy, to birth, to feeding, to sleepless nights, to caring for everyone around her without ever having the opportunity to stop and notice herself. She keeps going because she has to. Yet continually pushing through does not necessarily mean the body has recovered.

This is why I believe we need to include the body when supporting emotional wellbeing.

Giving The Body Permission To Release

At TRE UK® and Release Recover Discover CIC, our work focuses on helping people become aware of tension held within their body and teaching them a safe process that allows the body to release it.

For a mother, that time can offer something she may receive very little of: Space. Space to stop looking after everybody else for a moment. Space to notice her own body. Space to breathe. Space to rest. Space to allow tension to soften rather than continually adding another layer.

Tension release should never be presented as a cure for postnatal depression, and a woman who is struggling should receive appropriate professional support. But I believe there is enormous value in recognising that recovery does not only belong in our thoughts. The body needs care too.

Support Should Not Begin Only When A Woman Reaches Crisis

The NHS advises women who think they may have postnatal depression to speak with their general practitioner, midwife or health visitor. Treatment can include talking therapies and, where appropriate, medication. That support matters.

But I would also like us to think earlier. What if women learnt before giving birth how stress affects their bodies? What if they understood how to recognise when tension was building? What if physical and emotional recovery were discussed as naturally as feeding, nappies and baby sleep? What if asking a mother ‘How are you?’ meant genuinely wanting to hear the answer? We could help women before exhaustion becomes overwhelm.

A Mother Does Not Need To Pretend

Motherhood can come with enormous pressure. To be grateful, bond immediately, cope, enjoy every moment, look well, keep the house going. To return messages, welcome visitors, and somehow know what to do with a tiny human being while functioning on broken sleep.

No woman should feel ashamed because she is struggling with any of this. Having postnatal depression does not measure how much a woman loves her child. Needing support does not measure her ability as a mother. Sometimes the strongest thing she can do is say: ‘I am not coping.’ And somebody needs to hear her.

We Need To Care For The Woman As Well As The Baby

A new baby quite rightly receives enormous attention. But beside that baby is a woman whose body and life have changed.

She needs nourishing. She needs rest. She needs to feel heard. She needs practical help. She needs emotional support. And she may also benefit from learning how to recognise and safely release some of the tension her body has been carrying. We need to stop expecting women to simply ‘bounce back’. Recovery is not about bouncing back. It is about moving forward into a changed life, with the right support around you and the opportunity to care for your own body and mind as well as your baby’s.

At Release Recover Discover, our aim is simple.

Release what the body no longer needs to carry.
Recover the space to feel differently.
Discover what becomes possible when you do.

If You Are Struggling

If you think you may have postnatal depression, please speak with your general practitioner, midwife or health visitor. Help is available, and treatment can make a difference. If you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, seek urgent medical help immediately.

Our tension release programme can sit alongside appropriate professional support, helping women understand their body’s response to stress and giving them a practical tool they can keep using as part of caring for themselves.

Because when a baby is born, we must remember that a mother has been born too.

And she deserves our care.